He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
