my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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