I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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