Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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