My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
