Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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