I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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