Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
