I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
