bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
