For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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