so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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