So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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