he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
