no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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