She said her name was "party"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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