ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
