My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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