Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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