all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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