we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.