just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable