She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?