i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN