This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
