I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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