I met the friendliest cop last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
