at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
