Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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