You work out of a Hotel?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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