tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
