I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
