You really coming over, don't trick.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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