he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
