I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
