I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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