well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
