that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
