apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
