I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
