I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
