My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
