Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
