Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
