I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
