Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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