The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
