3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
