I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
