I'm eating all of the evidence.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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