My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
