No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
