Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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