why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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