you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
