i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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