dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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