Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
