Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
