Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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