i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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