Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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