drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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