Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
