but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
