I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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