I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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