I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
