Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
