Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
