Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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