I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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