I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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