I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
