I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
