i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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