I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
