??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
