dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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