He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
